Let's Wrap it Up

It's offical that Kutz first and second sessions are over.

So now what? Does everything I just experince go to waste?

Well if I said yes then I would of learned nothing at all. But here goes a long intense post about everything that has happend and how I'm doing nowish.





Let's kick it back to first session.





Breakin it down, J.Studs.





I still remember the first day of class like it was yesterday. We all sat in Pagoda Issac and I looked around. I was nervous an d excited. I had no idea what was going to come. I had no idea the bonds and friendships I would have with this small group of people. Some days were some of the most intense discussions about Judiasm and the ideas that important people had. Sometimes we had a guest rabbi or educator come in and teach us about different things. Michelle Abraham (one of my favorite Jewish Educators) taught us about Jewish feminism. It was really interesting to me because it was something that I've always wanted to learn about and just to get a taste of it made me smile. The intense classes and discussions never bore me. I never realized how much I could learn in 3 and a half weeks, but the struggle just got stronger. RamBam is fantastic. I really like some of his ideas. The more opinons that I heard I would start to think harder and harder. Every person in our class had something different to bring to the class. The different personalities seemed to click together perfectly. Even though there was some drama, it wasnt all that big of a deal. When I look back at my notes it really shows how much I've changed and grew in such a short time. From the conversations in the class to the realizations I made with myself. Like the day I figured out why we pass down the Torah from generation to generation, and why we study it. Or why pluralism is so important to Judiasm. Its little ideas that become big inside my head. And I know I would always get really excited in my class and we all would make fun of me, but it doesnt matter. Its a class that I wont ever forget. I know D.Singer won't take much credit for what he does, but really if it weren't for him none of us would of figured out anything. Just like when he wasnt there for two classes, and we needed someone to help us. We were lost and turned into crazyness. (not that we werent crazy everyday) Its quite interesting. Overall though it was a great class. I miss it a lot.


I'm just going to write out random things.

After first session I thought that I hadnt changed all that much. It was one conversation that I had with D.Singer that made me think about that. I just wasnt really sure about anything after first session. At first I didnt think that I was going to stay for 2nd session, but I'm totally glad I did. I thought that one session of kutz would be enough. I was totally wrong. I learned so much though. From J.Studs to just being a senior. I knew that I had to be a role model and I knew that this summer was going to be a lot different from last summer. I loved the community of the Hills. It was a nice change from last summer. Being in a hill and being in a bayit are two totally different worlds, it seems. The walls were broken down because it's camp, but the hills really did form something special. That community will never be replaced. The seniors, oh the seniors. Even though we tried to do a silly prank it didnt work so well. Although it was something that we all will remember. Seeing a shooting star with benny was amazing. Kutz is a beautiful sight at 4am, even though that day I was ridiculously crazy. And it was one of the most intense days of my life. What was really different from last summer was the expectations and stress. This summer I seemed to have a lot more stress than I did last summer. Which is weird because you go to summer camp to relax. But it felt like there was a lot more pressure on me from people especially staff memebers. I know that they yell at me and are hard on me because they care but sometimes I cant handle it. I get enough crap during the year that I dont want it during the summer. In a lot of ways this Summer i felt like Kutz employed me instead of me paying them to come. I mean I'm sure I am going to look back on this and be like I'm so glad I got critizied and was harder on, I just cant see that yet.



Another thing I learned this summer was how to try to work with 18 girls and all different opinons. Having a cabin service, plaque, and sweatshirt, I never thought it would be so hard to figure what we wanted. HAH. I mean that also happens when you have a mix of metaiv kids, regbo, eie alums, and other types of hardcore leaders in your cabin. We somehow all got along-ish. And also having five songleaders in one cabin doesnt make it all go smoothly either. But at least we had havdallah and not a maariv or shacarit. That made life a lot easier...It went fine and we got to do the first Havdallah, but like I donno. It wasnt a WOW service that you would rememebr forever. I'm a service snob as my parents say. i donno. But we did figure out everything in the end.

I think this Summer I did a lot of learning. I mean you do at Kutz, but a lot of learning.

I never realized the constant struggle we have as Jews with the ideas and laws of Judiasm.

I never thought that I could go out and learn something on my own without the help of others. Without someone holding my hand. This summer I pushed them away and figured it out. Without help.

I seem to never realize how much leadership I have. Sometimes it shocks me. Sometimes it amazes me. You have to be always on your A game when people are watching you. It wasnt like I was under a spot light, but some days it totally felt like that.

But what am I going to take back from this summer?

That I can use H'Avodah Shebalev?
That I know how to read talmudic texts...sort of?
That I made some of the greatest friends of my life?
That Judiasm is a cycle and filled with circles?
That this is just the beginning?

Yes. And then some.

At the last sunrise service of 2nd session, I led it by myself. After the Amidah after singing Yihuyu, I said something and it went sort of like this.

This is our last service together as a community. Take a look around and soak in the memories that you have of this place. Dont be sad that this is over, rather be happy that it happend. Another chapter of your life has ended which means another one will begin.

I dont know why I said that, but after I did I had one of those really spiritual moments. We sang Yihyu again, and I sang it with much more feeling and passion. Right then and there everything kind of came to close and I just realized everything that had happend that summer. I wanted to cry but then I couldnt of led so I didnt.

Its hard for some to realize that this is another chapter in our lives, for some its easier.

Its been easier for me this year. Everything seems to be getting easier when it comes to realizations and Kutz. Its a beautiful thing.

I know this is all scattered out everywhere, but I feel its ready to show the world.

So thank you kutz, for being wonderful again.

<3

Goodbye Kutz

Goodbye lovely kutz.
it's been a beautiful 6 weeks.
I dont want to leave.

I've changed.
I've grown.
I've cried.
I've laughed.
I've lived.
I've learned.
I've prayed.
I've loved.
I've never had such a great summer.

because the summers seem to never stop getting better. i love it here.

i'm going to do a wrap up when I get home.
but i already miss you. i already miss all of you.

it's going to be hard to part with the services, the willows, the chofesh, the color wars, the classes, the toy room, everything.

because it's true, these friendships you'll have forever.
being a senior is amazing.

it's my last summer as a camper/participant forever.
and i couldnt of lived it up anymore.

i broke the rules. i learned so much. i loved. ive lost. ive gain. ive just been fantastic.

bayit 3, oy!
hill 2-i love you

make a WESH upon a star.

kutz is beautiful. goodbye lovely place, goodbye.

tefillin its the new jew!

I just tried on some tefillin for the first time. I really want to try wearing it for a service one morning. It's going to happen. I'm thinking either tomorrow morning or thursday. Or whenever. You know. :]

Anyways. on to LIFE!

Last night was the ethics program. AMAZINGLY written. We had a scene with 9 different people. We were in court. Rabbi Eve was the Judge. There were 8 people involved. Mike Fuld and REK (Rabbi Elisa Koppel) were two RA's. Jesse and Michelle were two friends covering for Sam and Ben (aka Jesus) who went to go hook up after cabins in, in the teyatron. But then there was a fire and they couldnt find them because the couple lost track of time and got in trouble for not being in the right place in case of an emergency. We herd the case and what everyone had to say about their part. It was really interesting. And something that could totally happen. Then we broke up into pairs and rated the ethics from the worst to the not so bad. Then we got into groups of 5 and well, as every program does, discussed. We figured out questions to ask each of the people. People had very different ideas. It was such a great program. I dont really feel like going into all the details of it, but I'll tell you about it at another time.

Then I talked to Josh Winston for a while. It was good. Then I talked to D.Singer with a side of Ben Zeidman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I didn't get to finish that blog. And I didnt get to blog today because Kutz found out about going on the roof of the teyatron. And I had to write an essay as my punishment. Here it is for all of you to enjoy.

Rachel Wolman’s Essay
It was a foggy morning with dew on the grass when my alarm went off at 4:55 am. I woke up and got dressed to meet outside Gabi, Josh, and Benny for what I did not realize was going to be something I may remember forever, but something so stupid if I was to get in trouble. For some reason I felt the thrill would be worth it even if I was to get caught. There are so many reasons why this was a terrible idea, that didn’t seem to hit me that foggy morning. First off, if one of us were to get hurt, fall off the teyatron, that would have been horrible. Another thing is that I want to be a future leader of the reform Jewish movement and this is not the way to act like it. The last thing that would be horrible if the teyatron was to fall apart on us because of its age. That would not be an easy thing to clean up. There for even though we have a great memory it was not worth the camp having a chance of getting in trouble.
As a future leader of North American Federation of Temple Youth and future staff member I should be setting an example for everyone. If any of us has slipped and fallen or something of the sort, we could of gotten horribly hurt. There were no security guards around, or anyone for that matter therefore, we could have not gotten any help or medical attention of any sort. And one of us could have gotten a tick bite from walking through the grass. We could have prevented that from not going that morning. One of us may have not realized that we had a rash and could have gotten terrible lime disease. The fact that the camp is totally responsible for all of us, this was one of the most dim-witted things we could have done to make the camp in that much trouble. We acted in foolish ways.
The Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life is a place that creates some of the most influential leaders of our movement. As someone who aspires to be that one day, doing something so senseless and ridiculous that could get back to the Hebrew Union College (a place I will hopefully attend in the future) would not be so good for me if I want to have a future there. That also goes for the Union of Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Teen Life. I have a desire to become a staff member for this beautiful campus for reform Jewish teen life. As a staff member it is your job to be part of this community and enforce the rules of it. You have to be a role model for the program participants. As a future role model it was not exactly the safest or smartest thing to go on the roof of the teyatron at five in the morning to watch a foggy sunrise.
The teyatron has lots of memories and years on it. The beautiful overlooking of the lake really adds to the uses it gives us. Which is why we want it to stay. The fact that four program participants at the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen life went on the top of it, could in fact cause it to break. We were lucky that it didn’t, but if it did we could have gotten in even more trouble. It takes so much money and time to create a building, especially something as beautiful as the teyatron. I know program participants at the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life would be extremely upset with us if we did somehow destroy the teyatron. It’s something that really adds to the Kutz experience. We got extremely lucky.
Living in the Jerusalem of NFTY for the past five and a half weeks has been one of the most amazing experiences ever. I am just a teenager out to make careless mistakes. I am truly sorry for what I did and did not realize my errors in my ways. Now I have really though about the wrong doings I have done and can assure you that something like this of any sort will never happen again. When program participants of the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life think about going on the roof of the teyatron I can easily tell them many reasons why not to. They could get hurt, they could lose respect of their peers and elders, they could break the teyatron, and lots of other things. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my essay. Shalom.

ARGH.

I haven't been this stressed out since April 25th..and we all know the many things that has happend on that day.

Anyways. Moving on.

Yesterday our cabin had been talking about our service. It took forever to figure out what we are doing. I hate planning services with a lot of people. I understand why Kutz wants us to lead services as a cabin but at the same time it's harder than hard. Especially as a normal service leader and song leader..its frustrating because I'm so use to just working with the region RCVP and then just doing what I want.

Stress much? Just the start.

Then we had a meeting with the cabin and Josh Winston (songleading teacher of last summer and current Kutz songleader). I was already agrivated because of the program that seemed to last forever. AKA a movie about how sad it is to be a Jew Israelie style. Yom Yisrael. Very unpleasant. The bond fire was kind of tight though. Then we had a pizza party for our cabin. And planned for our service. I was arleady really upset because I'm lacking on sleep. And when I or anyone for that matter lacks in sleep you get cranky. And to add stress just makes it a lot worse. I was basiclly a boiling pot that just boiled over. I was extremly frustrated. To the max. Hah Torah to the max. Anyways. I went back to the cabin and figured out all the tunes because if you are leading a service you have to write down all the composers and musical things youre doing which one again is very frustarting and tedious. I assigned all the parts and yadda yadda.

This morning our services happend. I was nervous and stressed. I freaked out. The service went fine until I felt like crap because of my mentors. It was a pretty set up though. Still though, its frustrating. They went a little long. But we had sheets filled all around the beit am and really pretty colorful lights and we all dressed nicely. It looked pretty. It sounded decent. I just suck at Hebrew which became really aparent. And now I feel like crap about it because I feel really imbarssed. It wasnt even a bad service. I mean it wasnt amazing. I just miss having songleaders around me to pick me up when I fall. Becuase I knew everyhting else...Just that one prayer. Which suddenly sets the mood. Too bad everyone was passed out dead tired. We dont get enough sleep. We get screwed over by having a morning service. I didnt want it, but of course we got it. Its so frustrating. And I know I cant do anything about now since its all over, but still. I cant get it out of my head. I cant get that look out of my head. I cant get anyhting out of my head.

No matter how upset I am, no matter how frustrated I am, Torah to the Max always cheers me up. I mean I even tired not to smile, but our class is just so fantastic I have to. I love what we are doing by going through the full Amidah. Its tov. Tov M'od.

Okay. I'm going to go now.

Tata

Am I truely a zombie?

Sleep is overated.

Why can't we just take some kind of pills or something that just keeps us awake when we are tired? I know theres coffee, but still. I dont drink coffee at Kutz. It's sick nasty in a bad way. Anyways. On to life.

Yesterday was pretty fantastic.

Playing with Noam at his concert was awesome. We got to play four songs with him. Nachamu, Tumbalika, (sp?) Ameh, and Layuhidim.

I know he's a different person then Dan, but still.

I had fun and it was good to be up there on stage, but when I played with Dan last summer I felt like it was such a better experince. I mean I love Noam, don't get me wrong...but I just felt a better connection. I donno. Its crazy. Whatever. It was still mad fun and good. Noam Katz is a really great musican and artist.

So yesterday during the day Gabi Levison (from MAR going to be a junior), Josh (from FL kutz alum last year), and I were sitting on my favorite place in all of camp. The cyinder block. It was fantastic. We all decided that we wanted to see the sun rise. Josh said we should go on the roof of the teyatron. I told benny about it.

At 4:50am this morning Gabi came into my cabin to come get me to go out and watch the sun rise. We all met up and climbed to the roof of the teyatron. I never realized how terrified I am of heights. But we did it. I did it. I couldn't believe I did it. We didn't get caught or anything. It was a really nice thing that we did. It's one of those memories we will have together forever. I know that sounds insainly corny, but I know you enjoy it. :] It was foggy which was upsetting, but I still had fun. It was incredible. It was nice that there was a ladder there for us.

Then J.Studs today. It was good. Eh.

Thats it.

Happy birthday :]

Shabbat Shalom!

Hey!

What a service. What a past few days.

From falling out of chairs (sort of...) to being awake for so long to being dead tired to still being able to do Israelie dancing, the least I can say it's been some of the greatest and most dredful 48-72ish hours I've been living. And all I can say, is that I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Library is a funny place right now with the David Debates. I shall call them the David Debates. :] D.Singer vs. David Wilenksy...WHOSE GOING DOWN!?

Let's go back to Thursday.

So, we had the ultimate sex program. I have to say it was almost as good as last summer's first session sex program. I loved it though. It was in your face right to the point amazingness of a sex program. They hand picked our groups. I was in 4G. We went inside the Art building in groups but while we were waiting loud sexual music was playing outside. And by loud sexual music I mean music that has lots of sexual refrences. We were all dancing. I mean sex songs usally are great songs. Anyways. We went inside to the first area. You see two boys (I'm not going to name names) behind a curtain. First you see homosexual sex. Then you walk through and see different things on the wall. Lots of sexual things and quotes. Even the NFTY points system (which was totally wrong..not the point). You go to the next area. You see a lot of different sexual situations, sex, heterosexual sex, and everything you can think of. Even a girl talking about how she gave ######## for the first time. Basiclly in your face crazyness. Then we went to the beit am to discuss. We went in our groups and did simulations. It was really intense role playing and such. I loved it. We talked about the issues in NFTY and other things in general. It was really well written. They did such a great job.

The funny part is that was just the beginning of a crazy night.

Okay Andrew just for you I'm going to type up a bunch of the notes I took during the longest studying session I've ever been part of.

Studying of the Talmudic Text Berachot:
Saying the S'hma
-from when @ night
-until when can we?

Opinons:
1. 1st watch->R.Elizer
2.Midnight->Sages
-Suppose to say it then but you've got some leasure time to make sure you do it
3. Dawn->R.Gamaliel

Then there was the big argument between Hillel and someone else (cant remember who) about waht postion you should say it in. Can you say the S'hma on the move? The first line no, the rest yes because of the camels. Or something of that idea.

Deuteronomy Chapter 7:
-Were the chosen ones
-We kill them...
-People moving

Does it make it right that we kill these people even just because we are the chosen ones?

That's all the stuff I'm willing to type up right now. Enjoy Andrew.

Back to blogging.

So I was really tired because I didn't take a long enough nap. I kept on falling asleep while we were studing Talmudic texts and I started to get cold. So I was putting on my pants and then all the sudden I was on the floor and my chair was flipped back. I was really confused but everyone was laughing at me and D.Singer told me to go to sleep. I didn't want to but he made me. I didnt really sleep for that long. But when I woke up I couldnt remember anything. Then at around 4am we had nap time. AKA watching the Tribe also. Then Elaina (a girl in my cabin whose regbo and EIE alum), Josh (boy from FL Kutz alum) and I spooned. And then Zach Newburgh (NFTY President) came in to teach us. We learned a lot. I learned a lot. That day I was so tired.

I know that I can't function at all without any sleep. I give props to kids who can.

I slept mostly all day.

Shabbat services were nice. Elaina and I always sit next to eachother. We are prayin buddies. It just works. :]

today!


NOAM KATZ IS HERE! Which is obviously is super exciting to me. He led services this morning.

They were fantastic!! I know you would of loved them. And by you I'm referring to my parents. :] They were a lot like Shabbat Rocks at home. We even got instruments and I got an egg shaker. Then during this part where we were all doing percussion I started breaking out into one of those songs we learned this summer and I was just singing it to myself. Then my neighboors started getting into it. Then I realized everyone was singing it and we all were singing that song. It was one of those Holy moments of amazingness to me. It was so good.

Okay I'm about to rant now, so get ready.

I hate people who are close minded especially about services. Okay so you're here at Kutz. You know we are going to try all kinds of things. That doesnt mean you should get up and leave in the middle of a service because youre not a fan. Honestly. Youre not the best. It just bothers me SO much that people do that. These people work hard to make services and put them together. Just because you think youre some elitest doesnt mean it gives you the right to leave services.

And now everything is compared to Mark Bloom.


What has our movement come to!?

I'm done. I love Shabbat. I love services. I love KUTZ.


please. dont make me leave. <3

It's the big day

Today is the day that I will be awake for 24 hours. Even though I do plan on taking a nap during chofesh so I can be extra alert for tonight's amazing 12 hours of Talmud Torah and other stuff.

Yessss. :]

Ben Levine (an ex NFTY Board memeber PVP) wrote the program. It was really good. First we got a sticker and I went to the yellow side. We were going through the life cycle. First we went to high school and graduated by beating people in rock paper scissors twice in a row. Then you got to major in something, but I was on the side that it was chosen for you even though they made it seem like you had a choice. I was Rachel and I graudated with a science ideal from high school. I wanted English. Then we went to college and I graduated in pre-med even though I wanted to major in polictical science. Then we became doctors. I decided that I was going to be a nuerologist (sp?). Then I went to the family department failed on making the orgami they wanted me too but they gave me a family. I got married with two children. There was another side to the program. The other side was the yellow side (I was the pink side). The yellow side got to choose whatever they wanted. The pink side (my side) had everything chosen for me. Which really upset me. It was trying to create and show the ideals of "Reform" Judiasm and Orthodox Judiasm. We broke up into groups and discussed. It was a great program. It was one of the better programs of this summer.

We had free time. Ahah!


On to Torah to the Max.

Sorry Andrew I can't put down what I did today. I'm tired. I'm excited for tonight.
Redemption is an interesting subject. :]

21 posts...thats a number

Let's see, 7 times 3 equals 21. David Wilensky is not sure that 21 has any important fact to do with Judiasm..there for I have nothing exciting to put in here with the number of posts and such.



Anyways.

Breaking the fast. MEATLOAF. Some say it was great. Others would rather puke.



But me personally, I was eh so so. I was so hungry I tried it. David Wilensky (the Librarian, EIE Alum and friend) told me to try it. I said hey, why not. And I ate some meat loaf. It was kacha kacha. Hows THAT for Hebrew skills. And you cant even hear my american accent because its a computer. :]



Then we had Israelie movie night. Once again I went to the same movie. Someone to Run with. It was by accident. But I watched it again. It's a good movie. I was just not in the mood to watch it. And we were full from food. And from the breaking of the fast.

For some reason we decided to stay up late. Not fun. I mean it was good because I talked to people and bonded, but I'm tired today so it's not worth it. Oh well.

Today. Today. Today.

More great things in Torah to the Max. We figured out our t-shirts. They are going to be black a pink! Ah SO excited. I love black shirts. You can never have enough of them. I will be coming home with two more black shirts. I know I don't need any shitrs, but these are FANTASTIC. :] so excited.

We talked about our staying up all night thursday night. I cant wait for that also. The sched. sounds fantastic. Services. Studying talmud. Messiah. Prayer choragraphy. AHH I'm such a J.Studs dork. And I cant wait for it. :]

We talked about the next part of the Amidah. I really like how we are breaking down each prayer. We studied some more of Momonodies. He's becoming one of my favorites in Judiasm.

I just got done with Hebrew. Eh it was alright. I didnt really feel like being there.

I have to go to Theater.

Shalom!

the big 20 just like...

The night of Tush B'av night service which has 20 blessings to the Amidah.

Oh Snap..again :]

Anyways.

It's Tshu B'av and I'm hungry. I mean I guess thats what happens when you fast. Its just like my Dad says, you always seem so much more hungry when your fasting then on a normal day. I'm not dying hungry yet...but I was this morning. I feel like obligated to do this because I said last summer that I wasnt doing it becuase I didnt know anything about it. Now I do, and now I am. And theres no other place I'd rather be celebrating this holiday than here at the URJ Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life. What a mouth full. What a joke. But not. :]

Anywhoo.

Last night's program. We had Beit Midrash. It was in the chadar ochel instead of the Beit Am. Bad descion. But I understand why we did it that way because of space and rain and other issues. I went to Josh Winstons and D.Singer's tables again. Josh's table was really good. We talked about the reason why the temple was destoryed by Caesar. I never knew about the arguement that happend between Kar Bama and someone else. My memory is running on low because of lack of nurishment. Anyways. It was suppose to make you realize that having little stupid arguments can actually lead to bigger things and bigger issues. Not that I have that issue as much as others, but its always something to think about. At D.Singer's table (which was on the ground) we studied some Talmudic Texts. I couldn't really hear that much becuase it all the talking of other groups and the echoing of the room, but I did get something out of it. It was talking about Jerusalem in a metaphoric matter. Saying how Jerusalem is a woman who is a widow and how people betray her. It was really interesting. We then had Ma'ariv. For some reason I felt soo connected to everything. It was a moving service. I felt holy. I felt community. I felt everything. From the tunes we sang and the davening I did. I davened like I've never daven before. I really don't know why. I think it's because I pushed myself and felt that I needed to do this. I needed to push myself.

Brilliant.

This morning I went to services. We didn't even have a minyan so we couldn't read torah. It was sad.

After services I went to the library and looked at my J.Studs folder from last session. At my notes and such.

And then it hit me like a Torah in the forehead.

I've changed. I can't deny it. My personality has not changed. But the way I think has. I question more. I want more out of things. I don't daven the way I use to. I like new things. Things I though I like I hate now. Things I hated I love now.

Why?

Maybe because this Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life has done more for me then I thought it might of been. I love it. I LOVE it.

I found holiness today. I made connections today.

I'm loving Torah the Max more and more everyday. My class is getting better.

I love Kutz.

I'm still hungry. Oh well.

Shalom.

This is my 19th post, which makes a circle..

D.Singer if youre reading this there are 19 parts to the Amidah.

oh snap.

Anyways I have a lot of updating to do.

Torah to the Max today was sooo good. I felt a lot better about it today. We are breaking down prayers and figuring out why we do them. IE The Amidah. We talked about the 19 parts and how there is petition, thanksgiving, and praise. Yadda Yadda. I really like how enthuastic people are around me. Our class is big. At first I was really hesitant about the class just because of the dynamic, but I guess I was worried about that before? I donno. It's all tov. I'm enjoying myself.

Conversational hebrew is fine. It's not all that exciting but I am learning about different stuff. I really hope I can pick up how to read and write in script. We are learning script. It looks funny in the book, but it is different. Ehhh moo? Anyways. The library is so chaotic. Hmp.

Okay. Just did theater. It was kind of odd and weird. I'm not sure what that class will be like. I hope it will be fun. We had some of the autstic kids. One of them is Ben Kaufman's little brother. He's so cute. I love all those kids. They are so much fun. I was thinking I might come back next Summer as a Mitzvah Core Consuler for 2nd session. It would be quite the experince.

Anyways.

I think thats about it. I'm a little bummed. I'm making new friends though. People know I play guitar and my silly songs.

Lovin B3. I'm getting use to 2nd ACA its getting normal and im missing 1st aca less and less everyday.

It's tov. :]

First few days of 2nd ACA

Well we've had a shabbat.

can you say a tad bit awkward? It's too soon to have Shabbat with a community that hasn't established itself yet. There for it felt funny. At least I looked really cute. :] Thats always a plus.

New cabin. New people. New visiting faculty. New community.

I'm trying to embrace it, and take it by the horns.

But what happens when you lose and seem to not get the last community out our heads.
I missed 1st session during song session on friday night. I went up to my cabin and called Matti to make me feel better. And she did. I love her.

I really have gone with the change a lot better though. I'm doing well. A lot better than last summer.

Torah to the max...well it's a classic D.Singer style class, I'm just feeling a little behind. It's like when I'm running laps in field hockey, when they all know I'm trying hard but I'm just not fast enough. It's like that where everyone else seems to know what's going on but I'm in the back just trying as hard as I can.

Love my cabin. Bayit 3, its the place to be. :]

I cant really type more just becuase I have to, my next posts are going to be better.

I still LOVE kutz...and I might be finding a new friend. :] Hah.

Goodbye 1st ACA, welcome 2nd aca!

To a great session, to a great cabin, to a great major, to a great group of people, to a great community,

an online toast! :]

And now we have to move on. Of course you can't just be all like, I'm moving on! But for some reason I feel like it's going to be a lot easier than last summer.

I say this now, only because I haven't met any of the new kids and camp is feeling kind of emty.
I slept in B1 last night with Jess Goodman. It was fun. I had fun last night.

I was so tried from sleeping all day though. And had a bit of a migrain.

I'm excited for Torah to the Max. I'm excited for my new cabin. I'm excited that I have good RA's again. It's going to be fantastic.

I took the exact same amount of pictures as I did last year first session. Crazy? I think so.

I hear Seth GL yelling. It's funny.

This is such a bad post. Oh well.

Last full day of 1st ACA....

It's a sad day at Kutz today. The last full day with some of the greatest people I've ever met. But as I type this, people are dancing israelie dances in front of me, so being sentimental is a bit hard, but I can do it. :] Hah.

Last night was the TYG Leadership program. SO GOOD. We went around to different parts of camp and talked about the five senses. And we wrote down all the stuff we felt. It was really well done. And the groups were done by however you wanted..which means I had an amazing group. (aka my friends) The first station we listened. We talked about the sounds of Kutz. A lot of people talked about the playing of guitars and song sesssions, others talked about the screams and laughter all that kinds of stuff. Then we went to what we see. And watched a slide show of what camp looks like and the cabins and stuff. I wrote down all the stuff that reminds me of kutz and such. Then we went to things that we smell. And talked about all the different smells like grilled cheese and that gross smell of the kitchen. Then we went to touch and felt grass and bowls and random things like that. We went to taste and had ice cream. We ended the night with a big bond fire and people playing guitar and stuff. It made a lot of people cry. I didn't cry becuase its too early for me to cry about leaving..even though I did came close. I just made people who were crying cry harder because I told them how much they mean to me. I thought it would be good. :] But it was really depressing.

Today in J.Studs we kind of wrapped up about things. We talked about different things. First we talked about what we have learned and how we've progressed. I didn't really have all that much to say today. And I had no big realizations which is always upsetting. But I still have second session for things like that. :] Then we asked D.Singer every question that we've wanted to ask him and things like that. I didn't really have that many questions. But it was interesting to hear what he had to say about movements of Judiasm. And how the whole idea of being part of a movement is so...I can't even explain. But I know what he's saying and I'm not sure if I agree with it. Why should I feel wrong not to agree with him? It's odd actually. But I don't think I do. I just need to learn more. Learn, learn, learn. I love it. I love learning so much here. Its the fact that I learn more here than I do sitting in a classroom for an hour and half listening to lectures from Mr. Randall about American History. Of course you always have those few good teachers that make you feel something behind the learning. That's why I love kutz. Theres meaning to everything. Even when you think there is none, you can always find the meaning behind it. But hey, it's life. Then we went to Pagoda Issac where we had the first day of class. Did a prayer, and ate lots and lots of icing with gram crackers. It was so much fun. D.Singer got some in his face by Josh Morris (he's on NFTY Board as RCVP and helps out in our class sometimes) it was crazy fun. I'm going to miss my class so much.

This session has been very roller coaster-y and crazy. But whenever I was down, J.Studs the class would always be good. I would always have to smile and think. It was the one thing that was never wrong or made me angry. I mean it did, but in good ways. It made me think so much. I think I've finally used a part of my brian that's been a little dead for too long. It's incredible what one class can make you do. That's going to be the hardest thing next session is to not have that amazing class there. Although I will still be having the D.Singer class of Torah to the Max it won't be the same people which makes it all so real. It will be another adventure.

Tonight is banquet. It's going to be sad. I'm going to cry.

Here's to the nights we felt alive. :]

I'm going to take pictures.
I'm going to shed tears.
But in the end, it was all worth it.

Goodbye first ACA, thank you so much for everything you've given me.

Shalom.

BRING OUR BOYS HOME!

I just got back from the city from a protest, but wait a second here we are getting wayyy ahead of ourselves.

Let's go back to...

Yesterday

We had services led by B3 and they were I donno I feel like the same services are boring me.

Okay so I can't even complain becuase the services are all Hebrew, no english, (i know im repetitive) no guitars, that's what I thought I liked. But heres the thing, I didn't. In fact I'm even getting tired of it. What's up with that? Well I am a teenager, who is Jewish, who rebels...(in a happy way) haha really..i just chuckled out loud. I'm just confused by that. I think it's because the service wasn't as good as my morning shacharits. I love our barely minyans and (basiclly) same tunes every morning (except for some). I like tradition and familiarity.

But at the same time I want to do something new. Gosh I'm so picky today. That's alright though. I am a Jew. I just want change, but not too much. I am open to new types of services. I have figured out though what I feel about Hashem and how I connect to that idea. Which is always a plus...but the downer is that it's not through services. I go to services for the community aspect of it. I might of talked about this already, but its alright.

We had an Israel program. Poorly done. We made signs for the rally tomorrow. (and by tomorrow i mean today)

Yadda yadda..

MONDAY! (today)

Woke up WAY to early. 7am is not a pleasant time for me or anyone else at kutz. Did not enjoy my cold shower. Made the bag lunch and there was

KOOL AID!!!

I can't tell you now why that's funny...its not for your eyes but when I look back it will be funny. Anyways..

We went to a rally to be all excited/passionate about freeing the captive israelie soilders that have been MIA for almost/over a year. It's crazy. I saw some old friends. We sang, we chanted, we had fun. I had fun. I got a milkshake. It was great. Matti and I tried to get back to the bus. We ran into D.Singer and started to follow him...but what happend was that we werent sure where we were going and almost got lost but luckily i remembered that we used celebration bus lines. We were in the golden.

On the bus ride back to camp D.Singer sat across from me...Let's just say the ride was interesting and filled with stories and such. That's what I'm going to say about that.

Im tired, I had fun. I can't believe 1st ACA is almost over..

I actually have changed. :]

<3

Is there too much freedom?

As I sit here in J.Studs..we have no idea what we are doing. We just read sections of D.Singer's blog aloud because we have no sense of direction without him.

Does that tell you something? Does that show how we need to have a leader here if we want to get anything done?

Does that show how teenagers think that they can handle things when really we are nothing without a ring leader?

Really, I have no idea. But I do know if we wanted to as a class would want to do something. But we all seem to be coming to a close of first session.

Shabbat yesterday was nice. I layed out in the sun with Heather and Lauren (two girls in my cabin) and Steven came a long too (Lauren's boy from Georgia on regbo)

Friday night services were nice until I started dying and coughing. But regbo led it. It seemed like a good service..but I had to leave so I wouldn't distrub the service. I would hate that.

It's sad seeing people leave. Three seniors have left already. I did not cry...but the fourth is leaving soon and I Just might.

I know that this summer has already topped first session of last summer. At first I didn't think it was possible...but who knows what could happen.

i love my j.studs class. I think that will be one of the things i'll miss the most.

The sense of community has gotten so strong. I've started working on my goals. I've accomplished some of them already.

Who knows what's left to bring.

This time last summer 2nd session I was realizing how different I became.
Really I haven't changed this summer. I've grow a little bit but not all that much.
But I've learned so much, and I don't even have 3 weeks left.

:] I love kutz.

Conflicts in J.Studs

So I'm sitting in J.Studs with the lack of a teacher.

I have to update you on a loottttt of stuff. So this is going to be a long post.

Wednesday night! I'm just going to talk about services.

I just joined D.Singer's T'Filah class and we were leading services. I led the Wading in the Velvet Sea in the beginning as a niggiun. It was so awesome. There was no breaks, no english, all hebrew. It was incredible. We didn't have a theme. I mean we did...but it was a no leadership theme. There was no one up at the front leading. It was an experiment. Most people liked it becuase it was short quick and easy. Plus songleading was really awesome too. I know you guys (and by you guys I mean you mommy and daddy) probably wouldn't like it, but I did. :]

Yesterday! TRIP DAY!

I went to the Met. I was bored out of my MIND. It was good to see the Anicent Roman and Greek statutes. I got bored after seeing it so I started taking pictures of all the butts of statutes and paintings and everything. It was crazy fun. Then we saw lots of paintings and on that day I realized that I dont like art what so ever. Eh oh well.

Then we went to Seaport. It was fine. We got real food. Which was okay. I mean it was just bleh just because its been my third time being there and its honestly not that all exciting.

STOMP. AH MAZ ING. It was absoulteyy siiiick. Daddy I wish you were there because there were so many things I know you would of loved. There was this cool scene when they used wooden sticks and kinda had a Matrix feel. And they did things with basketballs which was SOOO cool bouncing in ryhythm and all that bussiness. They also walked on this huge trash cans and played beats. AHH it was so good. Unfornately I was sitting in row X so I didnt get to see as much as I wanted to. I could lean aganst the back wall. But it was sooo siick. I loved it.

That was trip day. This is now. It's Shabbat. So I'll be writing again on Sunday.

Shabbat Shalom!

3 hours of sleep at camp shouldn't seem enough..

So everything went down last night. And by last night I mean this morning at 4am. That's some foreshadowing heres whats been going on in the past few and by few days I mean yesterday...

Yesterday

Evening program. Oh, I was late to that. Becuase DRC and I were having intense conversations. Last night during song session we had to plan for the "big" prank of today. Big...well at least thats what we thought. Anyways, people were trying to find out but its fine.

Anyways.

The program was about the ethics and ideals of being a good leader. About what building blocks and roles it takes to create a good leader. I used words like erudite and equnimmity (sp?) and my friend Jeremy (RCVP of NFTY-NW intellegent kid who is a republican) laughed at me. He told me he got 5's on all of his AP tests..which means he's amazing at those things. He told me he considers himself stupid for taking AB Calculus his senior year...we know how I feel about that...and math...gross. Anyways.

My first rotation was about being a leader in a situation when you had this service you wanted to do with your temple but your Rabbi said you can't because it's too different. I mean we talked about what each of us would do..blah blah blah..like it wasn't all that great. I guess programming after a year of Kutz seems to get repitive and not so good. Oh well.

Then I talked to my boys (aka Benny, Jeremy, DRC) and we had a plan. Maxie and I were going to wake up at 4am to prepare for everyone's 5am wake up.

This is what went down.

First I woke up at 3:50 and I saw the time. I decided eh I'll rest in bed for 10 more mins before I really have to get up. Then all the sudden I hear this thumping. I'm wondering WTF is going on? So I went outside to see benny with his adorable little smile. He says it's already 4:30 you need to get maxie. So I got her and we started to plan out everything.

Maxie wanted me to do the foxes. So I grabbed the bikini's and walked over down the hill and near the lake. As Benny and I were walking, we saw the most amazing gorgeous shooting star in the sky. It had a greenish tint to it. It was incredible. But we had bussiness to take care of. We had nine foxes to suit up. So benny and I worked together putting tops and bottoms on all the foxes. We were done.

Then we went back up to help chalk up all the roads. We wrote Seniors all over everything. Seniors '08 dominate don't hate so great, things like that. It looks amazing. Plus it was written all near the pagodas and camp shalom helped us out too. It was going exactly the way we planned it.

We then woke up everyone and everyone brought out mattresses and pillows guitars bongos all kinds of things. We all sang songs had fun ate food and just were exhausted. Some people were confused, but it was fun.

Some people decided that it would be fun to go and wake up the bayit cabins. Yeah, not so much. Benny ran through Bayits 5+6 and woke them all up. They all hate him. DRC, Mar, and I all sang and ran around waking up the other cabins. Yeah, not such a good idea. We got crap for that later today. (this was all at round 5am this morning).

Then we all just hung out and had fun. All the seniors stayed some went back to sleep others didn't. It was nice though. It's something that I feel like all of us are going to remember even though it was k ind of lame having a ton of mattresses and guitars up on the tennis courts for no reason, it was still cute. And theres a lot of funny pictures to follow it.

Then we had to face the day. I went to optional shacharit again. It was weird, I felt so alive. I was never so awake before for services. I really belted it out. But I couldn't daven during the Amidah because if I did, I would of fallen over. But D.Singer got a kick out of our prank. For some really odd reason, I was happy about that. Maybe his approval means something since he was an alumni of this camp. He told me some of his pranks which may be put into use for next session...but I'm not sure because...well I'll get to that later.

Then we had a morning program. AKA a speaker. he was good. I was sleeping for most of it though.

J.Studs was good today. We talked about holiness and being holy. Once again I got so excited and made connections even on 3 hours of sleep. I'm surprised I'm still functioning right now. Honestly I feel like I'm going to pass out. I should be taking a nap right now, but I'm not. I'll do that later.

I've discovered that Judiasm is a bunch of circles. Yet, I've always hated geometry.

Then I had a meeting with Mike Fuld. My stomach was in knots because I never get in trouble. Its kind of like if I had to talk to an adminstrator about something I did. I was so nervous. I went in there with Benny by my side but Maxie was late. Thats alright though. Basiclly he wanted us to explain ourselves, he understood why we did this, told us how we signed a brit and yadda yadda. Our punishment is that we have to wait shabbat dinner and lunch. Which is so not so bad. I'm happy with how it all turned out. He said we couldn't do this again. I dont think I'll do a prank next session just because I dont want anything bad to happen. :]

Oh and I talked to D.Singer about Torah to the Max. Theres a lot of Hebrew involved with it which will be so good for EIE. Yay! :]

I'm a dead beat.
I'm hott.
And tired.

Toodles.

Day...I've lost track

I'm so excited for EIE. I just thought i'd start with that because that's the discussion of right nowish..todayishh



anyways..on to yesterday



Yesterday I was feeling super sick. So after lunch..oh wait im getting ahead of myself.



There was wedding yesterday. It was the cutest thing ever. This random couple met at Kutz 13 years ago. They left never talked. both got married to different people...got divorced...got back together and got married yesterday. Can we say my goodness how cute? Its kind of the best thing ever. I would get married at kutz if i met my husband here. I'd get married in the willows. Annnnd I would have my party in the teyatron and have dinner in the beit am. Yes. I'm cool like that.

So electives. More like lack there of. I skipped my first block one..again. Then I went to Jewish Ethics with the lovelyyy Rabbi Kopell. I started to feel realllly bad and then I went to the mirpa'a (the infirmary) and slept for a good two hours. Went back to my cabin to shower.

Then we had song session! It was good. Greg led! As did Brett and Josh. Like always. We sang some different songs which was nice to change it up.

Then we had services. OHHH services. So earlier Dan came up to me and asked me if I wanted to help him sing the last song. Of course I dropped dead inside and said yes. :] I led the song with him, Holly, and Jonah called We Come From the Fire. NEW FAVORITE SONG. I learned how to play it and everything. The service itself was alright, but the closing song was fantastic! Playing with Dan kind of makes my life complete. It was one of those amazing experinces that I will only get when I'm with him. I want to be Dan. Thats an old new goal of mine.

Annd moving on to THE SEX PROGRAM! (more like lack there of) I've decided last years sex program was wayyy better. It was more about sex. This year's was about relationships. Although I had a really good group and good group leaders I just didn't get that amazing feeling like I got last summer. Althought it was one of the better programs it still was not up to my sex program standards. But I did enjoy it dont get me wrong. We had little people that we filled in about ourselfs using adjectives in an envolope that we each got. All kinds of things.

Today! Alright!

Woke up. LAUNDRY DAY! I feel like camp is going by wayyy fast. Like ridic fast. It's kind of a big deal...just like me. haha kidding. :]

We had services this morning led by the oh so manly Bayit 6..(not so much) It was an interesting service.

Off on a tangent..hold on tight!

So I'm still really unsure on how I feel about praying and standing and davening and sitting like..I just am really unsure of everything. And this morning I was all like...mm..prayer..yeah. Didn't really get into it. Instead Andrew Morestien and Lindsay Forman (girl in my cabin whose in PAR) started being really silly and dancing to the horrible version of Yotizer Or...It's an english song and I kind of hate it as does Greg Cornell. So they were dancing and made me laugh which just kind of made me out of the praying mood. So...yeah.

On to the rest of the day..

As always I walk into the greenish library to find my classmates sitting around the beautiful brown table that I really like a lot. We got our clear folders from the brown box that we all decorated with our commandment. I'm Number 9! My commandment is Not to Bare False Witness. Which is lovely. But today we talked about Torah and Shabbat and why holidays are holy. I've discovered that I get really excited when I figure out things and everyone gets a kick out of me. I got a Yasher Koach from D.Singer today which is fantastic. :] That always is good. We are really focused on Torah. Its fantastic. I really am learning a lot. Which means i really want to take Torah to the Max. I'm really excited.

Then we had first block. I went to lunch. Then I hung out in the playroom. I don't like any of the electives. But Rabbi Koppel said I can do whatever I want...i want something in the AC. But uh I'm not sure what thats going to be. Then I went to Jewish ethics and we told racist sexist jokes. It was fun. I had fun.

Now I'm here not going to chugim. Yay! :]

Shabbat Shalom is now over...but here are the results

As always, I don't update on Saturdays or Friday nights as normal.

So here is what's been going down for the past few days.

Friday!

On Friday we had majors. We did things. Benny and I can't remember what we did in J.Studs but I'm almost positive that we wrote it down.

We had services. OH Dan Nicholes came!!!! Ahh its so good to see him and GREG cornell!! :] I gave him a hugggge hug. I love that kid a lot. We had Torah study program. i was in the music room with Michelle Lesco and my torah studying partner was Aaron from Washington. We had so much fun because he's one of my favorite kids at camp. I'm going on EIE with his girlfriend who (of course) is named Rachel.

Then we had cleaning up and random things like that. Then we went to lunch. Read the Minhash. Yeah.

Then Shabbat! We had kabalat shabbat and services. Services were really awesome. It's offical, I want to be Cantor Dreskin. Her and Rabbi Dreskin are quite the power couple. Doug Clouter is really awesome too. But Cantor and Dan led services. It was pretty awesome. I sat next to Matti (a girl in my cabin from NY whose on regbo) and we davened together. Then we had shabbat dinner..i sat with some crazy kids. Then we had israelie dancing and song session. I went crazyyy. It was SOOO much fun. I had lots of really good pictures from it. Then I sat on my cabin porch and talked to some boys and Jordie about things.

Saturday! Alumni day!

It was nice to see Ben again. He's a kid that went here last summer during second session. We all thought that Sonia was going to come but she ended up not showing up. Which was really upsetting. But it was good to see Adam Wassal, Ben, Lisa ( my RA from last summer second session) and Jonah. Yesterday was a lot better then last Shabbat. I sat under the tree for a while and hung out with Benny Carolyn and other people that came and go. I played a lot of guitar. OH GOSH. I forgot! Services!

I songlead services for my cabin. It was cute. I didn't feel it went well...but I think most of them enjoyed it. Services were okay. We were really into being a community. It was a community theme.


Back to Shabbat and alumni day. I just hung out all day. It was pretty nice and relaxing.

Then a Dan concert! So good! I really enjoyed myself. I had a lot of fun. It was a really good concert. Althought it was the first time I hadn't seen Dan without Zach, I survied. Me and DRC danced and had fun. Jewbilee (ish) played. It was sooo good. :]

Then went back to the bunk.

I got really sick last night. Something in that darn food killed my tummy. :[ My stomach is okay now, I'm just super hungry. I'm really tired.

Today!

So I woke up this morning and felt gross and yucky. I went back to sleep. Iwas really tempted to sleep through the day...but I love J.Studs so much that I just showed up a few mintues late but D.Singer didn't kill me too much about it.

And Im really glad I went to J.Studs today. We are going to do this servay throughout the camp. I'm pretty pumped about it. We talked about how we view Judiasm and movements and reform movements and stuff. It was pretty fantastic.

Then we had an Israel program. It was nice. I got to hear more about EIE. And I found out about more scholarships...so thats fantastic. :]

I still feel like crap. I'm hungry..but the Kutz Krud is getting worse.

Thats all for now.

shalom!

Day 11/12

GAHH. Anyways. That's the first experssion of today.



So. Kutz. Its getting wild.



Yesterday.



Electives. First I had jewish essay class. But I felt "sick" and went back to the cabin and slept/made some calls.

Jewish ethics! We had this AMAZING rabbi from b-more (from brina's temple) who is crazy and so much fun. He's so much fun to learn from. We had to do rhymes with our names, I'm Rachel who dances yo! It was really fun. Rabbi Koppel is amazing. I think I'm going to really enjoy that class.

Then we had services. Oh services. OH services. What an uproar of last night. This random cantor jazz man came and led a "jazzy service" what really happend was it felt like a christan rock concert with some hebrew. Kutz came into an uproar of crazy ideas and opinons. People walked out of the service and even started having their own minyans in the bathrooms. I MEAN COME ON!? I was so just...frustrated. That's me these days...filled with frustration. I just donno..things with that service..so much converversey. (sp?) But I mean whatever. Its life. I tried to make the best of the service. Basiclly I just said whatever and got really into it. I know that people laughed at me. But I had fun making fun of the service. I sang and danced. Did I connect to Hashem? Eh not so much, am I going to let to get to me? No. You can't connect to every service you go to and people just need to realize that. Eh whatever.

Then we had MACABBI GAMES! I love the red team. We played Family Feud and had American Idol. Of course I sang. I made up a song on the spot about how great the red team is. Why? Because I'm cool like that. Me Benny DRC Jenny and I all really got into it. It was a nice ending to the night because THE RED TEAM WON! Even though everyone here at kutz was all like..."This is boring we are too old for this..." I was still excited and was jumping around and having the time of my life. Then I just...got frustrated. Whatever. Life is life.

Then went back to the cabin..i also played guitar..and i was distrubing the service that was going on. whatever they can deal.

This morning I woke up thinking that I was going to go to morning services (the optional kind) and then it hit me. today is thursday! my bad. torah reading day.

Went to breakfast. Had COFFEE for the first time in a while. I dont think it did anything.

Then we had service with DOUG COUTLER! He's a fantastic Jewish musican. Ahh it was so good. And not good. If you played guitar he told us to bring it. There were around 30 guitars playing during the service. iT was a mess. But I didnt really care. I played. The service wasn't good. But Doug is a fantastic songleader. I'm a really big fan of his work. It was a lot of fun.

Then J.Studs. We talked about services. Anaylzed them. Talked about different things. I realized more things. I wrote it down. My face lit up. My light blubs keep on going off. I'm really exctied. I love it..

Things are making me frustrated right now. My paitance is low..but saturday is soon..and then i'll know everyhting will be okay.

:]

peace out girl scout

Day 10ish/11ish

I am such a fan of LTR (late to rise)

I've been sleeping in! Yay for getting sleep. Annnnd let's flash back to yesterday.

Yesterday.

Electives. I went to my Jewish essay class. It wasn't that much fun. I'm growning to not enjoying it as much as I use to day to day. Then I went to my cabin. I feel asleep and missed Jewish ethics. Yeahhh I felt bad about that because Rabbi Koppel said she would of been happier if I was there. Typical jewish mother guilt trip. I'll be sure to do that. Just like David did when he said he missed me at service. Typical Jewish Mother guilt trip. Hence why I went this morning. I was even going to not going to go but then I had that thought in my head/was planning on it anyways. But it was fine because I'm super awake. Anyways...then we had color wars. I went to the song place with the RED TEAM! I love being red. Hence I had so many red things.

Then I went and hung out with Elena and worked on our song while Seth GL harassed us. It was kind of entertaining. Then I went and showered. It was fine.

We had song session. It was soooo goood. Josh played his heart out and I could totally tell. Then we had services.

OH WAIT. Hold on. Go back. We had a meeting in Pagoda Issac about NFTY-MAR t-shirts. I got together (with the help of L.MO) all of NFTY-MAR at kutz together and we figured out what our t-shirts are going to be. We are unsure about the colors, but it says on the front the URJ Kutz Camp for Reform Jewish Teen Life 2007 and on the back it said We Left our MARk with a foot print. GOING TO BE SO CUTE. SO excited.

Then I got stung by a bee. It was the first time ever. It was really painful. I ran. It hurt. It's fine now. But it was scary.

Anyways.

We had services. They were really nice. The campers from all countries not in North America lead and did their verisons of songs. It was so pretty. Some of them have the nicest voices. It was really interesting to see how different things are there.

Then we had my favorite progam at kutz! Beit Midrash. (aka studying) it's where 17 tables are set up and each had different political subjects. I didn't even look at the subjects I straight up went to Josh Winston's table because he is always interesting and I love learning from him. We talked about the Jewish idea of immigration in the United States. Its really interesting how we support illegal immigrants and how we should treat them like everyone else. I had no idea Judiasm had feelings about this subject. I really enjoyed it. In fact it says it in the Torah 35 times. Then I went to David Singer's table about Seperation of Church and State. It also was interesting. We studied Talmud and Misnah and about how it realates to this hot topic. It was really interesting about how government rules over something..I donno something crazy like that. But it was all sooo good.

Today!

I went to optional scharit this morning. We didn't have a minyan. Today we are suppose to wear our color. So I'm covered in red. :] Then I went to breakfast. And then J.studs.

Today David told us to figure out things about G-d. But we figured out our J.Studs t-shirts! They are going to be siiick nasty. I'm so excited. On the front it says J.STUDS Kutz ACA 1 2007 and on the back it says X+Y does not = infinite which will be all of our names and then Rambam would be confused. It's confusing..but when I get it it's going to be hott. They are going to black with gold/yellow writing. Then we went outside to figure out how we figure out how G-d shows that G-d loves us. I didn't really figure out but I had a spiritual experince so it was nice. Then I helped Jason reach more questions. He is in my J.Studs class. Everything is going well.

Things are crazy. I'm happy. And I love life.

can't wait for saturday. :]

Day 9ish/10ish

Alriiighty. Another lovely day at the FROZEN URJ Kutz Camp. What is this!? I don't understand why I've been wearing sweat pants and jeans so much. It feels like winter. Oh well, I've kvetched enough now.

Okay so programming and all that bussiness...

Yesterday.

Electives. I was in my essay elective and the woman (i forgot her name) told me she liked my essay but it needs more. I don't like it anymore and I think I want to write something totally different. I feel like it's not going to turn into anything. So today I'm going to tell her that. We shall see how she feels....

Wait a second. That was the other day.

YESTERDAY was Yom Yisrael. We had different electives.

Actually I missed the first one and ended up jammin with myself in the music room. It was good.

Then I went to Jewish Femminism with Anat Hoffman. If I say anything...I know I'll be unhappy with myself..Let's just say I did not come out of that elective with a smile on my face.

Then we made chocolate balls. They were good. Lots of free time was fun. I talked to Adam a little bit and he had this ridiculous looking black paper for eyebrows and a mustachse (sp?) on his face...he's a silly kid

Then we had dinner and the israel themed song session which was cute. I hung out with DRC afterward.

Then the ever so conterversal (sp?) israel program. A lot of people hated it. Some liked it. I really am not sure how I feel about it since I have not been to Israel and am unsure about how I feel about Zionism and such. But I think I liked it. It was interesting. It was intense. It was heavy and sad. We herd new clips of people screaming and crying and being scared. It showed how Israel is not all rainbows and happyness. Not that we all thought that but we still got things out of it. I got a sense of pride too. I'm excited for EIE.

Went back to the cabin. Annnnd here comes today! (so far)

This morning I was way too tired to go to services. I slept. And I'm happy that I did because I would of fallen asleep in J.Studs today. LAUNDRY IS BACK! I have to still pick mine up. Then I went to breakfast. Then J.Studs.

Ohhh J.Studs. Today was I think one of my favorite sessions so far. D.Singer had us take all of these papers like always. And our class couldn't figure out who started reform Judiasm. I feel stupid. That's alright though. Because even Seth GL didnt know. Now we all have to go run a mile? Just as D.Singer said...that would be really funny.

We talked about talmud and studied it. We studied the part about Moses and how he got to write the commandments and got the Torah handed down to him from Hashem. Sarah was my study partner, but we actually didn't understand it all in the way that was correct. Then DRC came and joined our group because he was late from work study. Then he started to beat box as I rapped about what we were studying. It was really funny and stupid. Then we got back together as a class and figured out questions that D.Singer wanted us to anwser. At first I thought one thing about Torah and why we study it. Then Benny gave me all these new ideas about studying Torah and it was like another light bulb went off in my head. I eventually formulated all my ideas together but did it aloud so most of my class mates were really confused but I understood it and thats what matters. :] It was a good day.

Then we had a program about global issues. It was pretty interesting. I was part of America. I would kick out the spies. It was fun. But I really liked the program. I felt it was well put together. It was really relastic too because it talked about what the countries needed and what we already have. We had to trade with other countries and such. Then I talked to Eric about Judiasm becuase I was bored and he's such an interesting person.

Now I have to go my first elective. I love Kutz.

:]

PS

I'm always writing music with these really nice girl named Elena from Arizona. She has such a good voice. we are writing man hating music and recording it in the stuido. I'm excited. :]

Day 8/9ish? I can't keep track

I'm really tired. My body does not want to keep a constant sleep pattern.
I slept until 7:30am today...which is late..but now I'm even more tired.

BLERG. Thats my angry word for today.

Another day of J.Studs..and David Singer has now realized I have a blog and asked for my URL...so if you are reading this..have fun!

Anyways.

Yesterday.

Program. We had a program..I'm trying to remember what it was. G-d program! So much fun!

Hold on I'm getting ahead of myself..services.

Last night was the Hill 5 service since they are the oldest boy's cabin. It was fantastic. They had everyone who wanted to be, blind folded. We got walked to the willows where we were blind folded until the Amidah. It was quite the experince. It was kind of interesting because I'm pretty sure someone had told me that you shouldn't be so auto-pilot prayer or something of that idea that you should have to look at a prayer book to pray. But I mean that's only one idea. I really felt even more connected. I could really focus on myself and my prayers without anyone around me distracting me. I loved it. When we opened our eyes for the shma (or rather un-do the blind folds) it was really interesting to see how different the service became for me. I was sitting next to Carolyn. I adore her. We sing the same harmonies in the service. It was so beautiful. I felt really connected to the community and to the prayers. I loved it.

Then we had the G-d program. It was interesting.

Everyone got a card and that was what group you were in. But what happend was that DRC and I went to put away his guitar and had a really good conversation about things, but we were late for our program so we just went with a random group...and by random group DRC wanted to go with D.Singer so I just tagged along. Our group was a good one though. We talked about the Book of Esther. What's unique about it is that G-d is actually not written in anywhere in the book. There for how can we know that G-d was in it..yadda yadda. that whole stuff. But it made for a really interesting program. We had to show a skit on how we believe about G-d and how Esther did. So DRC suggested the bean skit and we ran with it. Oh we also got props we had to use. So it was actually the JELL-O skit. I was making the jello, steven was the man who ate the jello some kid who i forgot his name who plays guitar well was esther/the doctor. Although we really didn't our point across all that much, I would have to say we were the most entertaining group of them all. I had fun. Then we had a discussion afterwards about G-d and what we believe. I'm one of the "lucky ones" who has a strong belief about G-d. I think what people don't realize is that even though I have such a strong believe in Hashem I still have no idea what I believe about Israel, praying, the torah, and other things of that nature. But I still liked the program a lot.

Today. It's laundry day! Which you know is fantastic for me.

Went to breakfast. Showered. All that jazz.

Then J.Studs. Today we talked about after life and what Mamonidies's ideas are about it. It was really interesting. Extremely chanlleging but I liked it a lot. I cant really explain everything right here and right now because my brian is made of mush, but I'll tell you when I get home.

Today is Yom Yisrael!!

Which means GOOD FOOD which means Falafel (sp?) ! Yeah I'm excited. I love this day. Plus I didn't finish my new essay for my electives..so it's good that we don't have them today.

Well that's all for today's post and i'll tell you tomorrow what happens today.

shalom!

Shabbat Shalom? HEY!

So I haven't updated because of Shabbat and the weekend..but it's sunday which is bascilly like a monday because I have a case of the mondays..(hence I'm a dead beat)

Let's try to think back to Friday night..ohh what an amazing and crazy night.

Shabbat services were beautiful. I sat next to Mimi and Sarah Keys. Dinner was alright, my kosher chicken was goodish. SONGSESSION. SO amazing. Everyone dressed crazy. Including myself. I wore a polka dot shirt with a polo underneath with a green mini skirt brown leggings black checkerboard shoes and a yellow hand band. I was looking pretty fly. DRC (David Rose Carmack) wore the matching blue mini skirt...it looked a whole lot shorter on him than me. Which was crazy fun and funny. We danced, and had so much fun. I was so exhausted after that, but overall it was sooooo good. It was a fun night.



Saturday morning was nice. We had services. They were really nice. After services I teached Carolyn how to play havdallah service chords. After that I called my parents. Then went to lunch. Went back to the cabin. Took a nap. Then I talked to Zach for a good two hours on the phone...really I would of hung out with people but everyone was doing their own thing at free time all day. Then I bonded with Elena. After that I saw CARYN ROMAN!! It was really exciting. I hugged her. It took me a second to realize it was her. It was kind of crazy. And then we had cabin bonding programming...which basiclly just went around and said why kutz is so special to us. Mine was kind of long..but it was good stuff.

Then we had Israelie movie night...which was really interesting surprisingly. The sound didn't stop working and Ben Fuld tried to fix it and it kept screwing up and then we went to havdallah.

havdallah was amazing!!

I got to lead because it was our cabin service. It was me, Lindsay Forman, Maxie, and Zach Newburgh leading on guitars in the middle. Between each of the prayers every girl in my cabin wrote a really cute little thing that relates to havdallah. It was really nice. It felt so good to songlead. We were all pretty together. We sped up a bit, but it all ended up working out really well. It felt so good to songlead again. I miss it so much. Then our cabin had a really emotional talk about death. And it kind of freaked me out. A few girls in my cabin's dad's have died. Basiclly we all ended up crying. And by everyone just me and a few other girls.

Today!

Services were fine. Oh I keep on forgetting.

ITS SO FREAKIN COLD!!

I had to get that out there. I'm so cold. Kutz is cold. I don't like it. Alrighty on to morning services..

So we had our minyan this morning. It was nice. We went in the program room. David Wilensky was leading (usally D.Singer does it) and we get to the Amidah. And right in the middle the fire alarm goes off. D.Singer finishes early, the rest of us were discusted with all of it. I was mad because I was in the middle of prayer. That wasn't so pleasant. Went to breakfast.

Then we had an Israel program this morning. Talk about boring. Then we went to J.Studs. Woah intense. I can't really explain it but I take a lot of notes about it. Then I had my first elective. I finished my essay..I have to rewrite the whole thing, but I'm excited.

I'm feeling beat and I'm off to lunch. :]

ZD + ROSIE..it will happen. hahaha

Day Four and Five ish

Right now on my on the fence ways of life, I'm leaning towards staying for second session and I'm recruiting MAR kids which means Rabbi Eve makes more money which means I could get more money for scholarships for second session. CA-CHING. :] But I don't want to make any descions until a later date.



Yesterday, ohhh Wednesday. What a day of roller coasters.

Well all day basiclly I was stuck in the beit am because of the thunderstorm.

That was so much fun though. I hung out with Jesus and Kayla and other people. I got to sit in on David Singer's T'filah class and figured out what prayer truely was. Even though of course you didn't figure out why people pray..one day..i'll know his anwser..one day..but I mean that's the point. Then I missed all my afternoon electives because of the thunderstorm.

I went back to the cabin and talked to Zach for a little bit and played some geeetar with Lindsay. After that we had dinner. Meat loaf. Sick nasty. I wasn't eatting something that looked like it could eat me. Then we had song session down stairs again. But the storm came once again and attacked us all in the program room. And when i say attacked, I mean it just came to the camp. It was actually really pretty. I took some pictures of the clouds and such.

We waited and then had services. Steve Dropkin led them. I was really upset because I didn't have my Ha'avoda Shibalev with me because we didn't get a chance to get back to the cabins and I just wasn't in a good mood. I just decided to stand for the entire service. For some reason I felt that would just make me feel better for being all stupid and pissy. But when Steve played his Oseh Shalom I sat down and thought back to my own temple at home sitting next to my father singing this song with him. It's our favorite version and everything felt better agian. I lost my voice because I was so into it and loved that song so much. And he even ended with Bayom Hahu and we all know how I freakin adore that song. :]

After that we were suppose to have a program but they couldn't do it because we had to stay in the program room because of the thunder storm. Instead we had these cabin like games where we had to go against each other. We had to get in a big circle with your cabin and squeeze together front to back and sit on eachother's laps and which ever cabin could do it first without falling down won. HILL 2 KICKED MAJOR TUCHAS! We won. It was amazing! Lindsay and I got really into it. It was crazy fun. Then all the seniors started to really create this big bond and we kept on chanting " '08 DAMN STRAIGHT!" And so and so forth. It was beautiful. I loved all the ruach and feeling from all the seniors. Hills 1, 2, and 5 are the senior cabins. We are kind of a big deal. I completely lost my voice from cheering so much, that's how much fun we had.

We went back to the cabins and got really crazy. I can't really talk about it on this blog because I don't think you cool cats could handle it.

Today I woke up and showered and such. Then I went to breakfast. It was fine. I took some pictures around camp. Ahh I love how pretty Kutz looks. Then we had morning shacarit (aka services) they were beautiful. As badly as I wanted to sing I couldn't because of my lackage of voice so I just mouthed all the prayers and such. I still felt just as connected. Josh is such a fantastic songleader. I loved seeing him up there. Especially for certian prayers he got so into it. Rabbi Koppel did such a great job leading services this morning too. I really connected with services this morning. I didn't like sitting in the back because of all the talking, but sometimes you just gotta deal with it and move on.

After services we went to majors. I was a little bit of a dead beat today in majors. But we learned more about Momonodies and his ideas and what we think about them. Then a guest rabbi came in and talked to us about things. I can't even remember it because it felt like forever ago. But I liked it. It was interesitng.

Then I had my first elective. I've changed all of my electives. I'm in this new elective called writing the Jewish Essay. It's basiclly a class with this amazing woman whose jewish who wrote for the New York Times, Washington Post, and the Wall Street Journal. She's teaching us how to write really good personal narratives. We are writing about how we found our Jewish idenity. I'm writing my essay about my tallit katan and why I do it and how it all started. I'm really excited for her to read it. It's going to be fantastic. Plus she's teaching us how to have even better writing skills which will totally help me for the future.

My second elective is Jewish ethics. But once again those darn thrunderstorms stopped me from going so I hung out in the beit am again and drew pictures. We had a fire drill today. We thought it was real but it was just a false alarm. I took a nap in the toy room. My chocolate art class is really fun. And I'm really hot. I just got back from the HUC-JIR interest meeting. I can actually be both a rabbi and cantor. So I'm super excited for that.

I'm going to head back to my cabin soon and take a shower. But I'm excited for Shabbat tomorrow night. :]

ROSIE + ZACKKYY D = one hot time. hahaha

Day Three/Day Four

I feel like this is the time I will always be updating this crazy blog.

Okay so I just finished my J.Studs class. My brain is mush just like D.Singer said. Blehh. It was fantastic. All we talked about today mostly was Hashem and the monomidies (sp?) yeah. It was pretty intresting.

Here's what went down these past 24 hours that I've experinced.

I went to my first elective. Sports Odysess with Seth GL and Ben Levine. We played soccer. It was really fun. There was a bunch of MAR sophomore girls in it with me. I had a lot of fun gettinge exerise though. There were two boys who were really good and this other girl from MAR who doesn't really do NFTY but is like a kick butttt soccer player. It was pretty sick. And I met a kid from Alaska. And that's his name. He's a nice kid.

Then I ate lunch. Grilled Cheese.

Second elective is basiclly G-d and Spirituallity. I didn't realize I was taking that class again, but for some reason I think I'm going to stay in it. We have a small class but we are really into creating a community. I love it. I'm so set in stone (basiclly) on what I believe about Hashem and the ways and such. I mean I'm excited for today's class for it. It should be good. But yeah, I feel like it's going to be interesting to hear what other people's beliefs and ideas about Hashem.

Then we had free time. Aka Chofesh. Good stuff.

I taught a small group of girls how to play guitar..or rather attempt. It's kind of fun teaching them but frustrating at the same time. I can't even explain why I want to. I feel like I'm going to get something out of it all. They are all really into learning though which always makes me smile. I'm teaching them my fav song Or Zaruach and if they can play that, they can play anything. I'll probably play more with them later today.

After that we went to dinner. It was fine. Song session was SO much fun. Josh taught us another song. I forgot what song it was...but it was pretty awesome. I really got into it. Its so hot though so it gets harder and harder to enjoy song sessions because of all the sweat BO and heat. And it's weird to actually pariticpate in it because I'm so use to songleading. But it's always fun to be part of it.

Then we had services. They were beautiful. In the willows. We had this some what nature service. I really liked it. I took off my shoes and stuck my feet in the grass. It felt so refreshing. It was a really cute and nice service. I really tried to intake all of my surroundings and feel the spiritual connection with the community and such.

Then we had an evening program. It was fine. It was about different ideas and pollution. Overall I mean they were okay. I just wasn't into certian parts of the program and I started to get frustrated. I just got really upset last night. But it all turned out to be fine after I talked to Zach. :]

Today has been good so far. Went to breakfast. Then we had a morning program. I loved it. My first rotation was with David Singer about ritual garb. I've done soo many programs about it, but overall I still can't get enough of it. Everytime I talk about it with anyone it always gets me excited. My second rotation was about being Jewish in places where there might not be as many Jews. It was interesting. A lot of people have it hard, some don't, I consider myself in the middle. But I really got some different ideas and opinons.

In J.Studs today...Well I already talked about that. But I'm a dead beat..I'm about to go play kick ball. I'll update this tomorrow.

<3

First Few Days

Ohhh Kutz.

So I'm in the library right now listening to Benny Z (from CA) giving us Jewish brain teasers and David making fun of people on EIE. Ahh this is fantastic.

This first few days have been extremely interesting to say the least. I adore my cabin. Hill 2 baby! We are fantastic. My RA's are sooo awesome. Kelly and Kaitlin. I have some girls from last summer in my cabin (Carolyn, Kayla, and Maxie) It's hard being here without so many people from last summer, but I'm really starting to adjust.

I love J.Studs so far. David Singer has kept me intrested even though I'm a dead beat. I don't seem to be sleeping much, but I am trying to sleep. There are a few regbo kids in my cabin, and they are all really nice. A lot of the girls went on EIE before which is fantastic hearing all about their trip and what I should expect.

This morning I went running with Mimi. It felt like that first day of track all over again when everything is way hard and youre dying. But I have goals where I will do a little bit more every morning and then I'll be running up those hills even faster in the upcoming future days. I went to optional services this morning. It was small, not even a minyan which was sad, but it's only the first one of the summer.

Yesterday wasn't very exciting. We did all those first day of camp type things like taking a tour and the swim test. yeah me and the pool don't get along and so I'm not swimming this summer...unless I get pushed in.

I'm excited for electives today. I'm going to be doing a sports one with Seth GL and something about G-d with a bunch of different visitng rabbis and David Singer. This is looking like a lovely summer more and more every day.

Yesterday Carolyn and I made harmonies to my song that I wrote (Barchu) and it's ever so beautiful. People keep on asking me about my tzzit tzzit. It's intresting. I only know of one other girl wearing tzzit tzzit (Maxie) but I feel like more girls will be wearing them by the end of the summer. I will start a revolution.

Mimi is on the top bed. I'm loving Kutz. I'm having fun. Everything is going well. I can't wait to songlead. Josh told me I could which is a great sign. Everyone thinks that I'm staying for second session but really, I have no idea what I am going to do. We shall see what happens.

It's beautiful here. I love it. <3

Shalom!

Summer of 2007

I decided to make a special Kutz Blog for that purpose, to write or rather type as much as I can so that I can remember it for years to come.

Just a little back ground for those who will/might be reading my blog for the first time.

This summer I am going to the URJ Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teenagers. It is a leadership tranining instiutie that I went to last summer, but with a whole different mind set then I have right now for this upcoming summer.

I know somewhat to expect, but my mind will try to stay as open and clear as it can be.

I have some goals for this summer.

1. To learn as much as I possibly can.
2. To have the greatest time ever.
3. To learn about what I feel about conterversal topics in Judiasm.
4. Start to explore my feelings on Zionism.
5. To come back a little bit lighter :]
6. To learn more Hebrew.
7. Create bonds with people I've never met before
9. Create the bonds stronger with people I have met before
10. To write one (or more) jewish song

I want to be able to learn, but still have fun. I want to get so much out of this summer. I really want to be able to walk into EIE having a good idea of my ideals on reform Judiasm and what I believe about it from the Torah to the Messiah. I know I have a lot of goals,but I know I can achieve them.

I'm excited, nervous, worried, exhausted, and overall enthuastic about this year at kutz.

Eyeh Asher Eyeh--I am who I am.

Shalom.