Let's Wrap it Up

It's offical that Kutz first and second sessions are over.

So now what? Does everything I just experince go to waste?

Well if I said yes then I would of learned nothing at all. But here goes a long intense post about everything that has happend and how I'm doing nowish.





Let's kick it back to first session.





Breakin it down, J.Studs.





I still remember the first day of class like it was yesterday. We all sat in Pagoda Issac and I looked around. I was nervous an d excited. I had no idea what was going to come. I had no idea the bonds and friendships I would have with this small group of people. Some days were some of the most intense discussions about Judiasm and the ideas that important people had. Sometimes we had a guest rabbi or educator come in and teach us about different things. Michelle Abraham (one of my favorite Jewish Educators) taught us about Jewish feminism. It was really interesting to me because it was something that I've always wanted to learn about and just to get a taste of it made me smile. The intense classes and discussions never bore me. I never realized how much I could learn in 3 and a half weeks, but the struggle just got stronger. RamBam is fantastic. I really like some of his ideas. The more opinons that I heard I would start to think harder and harder. Every person in our class had something different to bring to the class. The different personalities seemed to click together perfectly. Even though there was some drama, it wasnt all that big of a deal. When I look back at my notes it really shows how much I've changed and grew in such a short time. From the conversations in the class to the realizations I made with myself. Like the day I figured out why we pass down the Torah from generation to generation, and why we study it. Or why pluralism is so important to Judiasm. Its little ideas that become big inside my head. And I know I would always get really excited in my class and we all would make fun of me, but it doesnt matter. Its a class that I wont ever forget. I know D.Singer won't take much credit for what he does, but really if it weren't for him none of us would of figured out anything. Just like when he wasnt there for two classes, and we needed someone to help us. We were lost and turned into crazyness. (not that we werent crazy everyday) Its quite interesting. Overall though it was a great class. I miss it a lot.


I'm just going to write out random things.

After first session I thought that I hadnt changed all that much. It was one conversation that I had with D.Singer that made me think about that. I just wasnt really sure about anything after first session. At first I didnt think that I was going to stay for 2nd session, but I'm totally glad I did. I thought that one session of kutz would be enough. I was totally wrong. I learned so much though. From J.Studs to just being a senior. I knew that I had to be a role model and I knew that this summer was going to be a lot different from last summer. I loved the community of the Hills. It was a nice change from last summer. Being in a hill and being in a bayit are two totally different worlds, it seems. The walls were broken down because it's camp, but the hills really did form something special. That community will never be replaced. The seniors, oh the seniors. Even though we tried to do a silly prank it didnt work so well. Although it was something that we all will remember. Seeing a shooting star with benny was amazing. Kutz is a beautiful sight at 4am, even though that day I was ridiculously crazy. And it was one of the most intense days of my life. What was really different from last summer was the expectations and stress. This summer I seemed to have a lot more stress than I did last summer. Which is weird because you go to summer camp to relax. But it felt like there was a lot more pressure on me from people especially staff memebers. I know that they yell at me and are hard on me because they care but sometimes I cant handle it. I get enough crap during the year that I dont want it during the summer. In a lot of ways this Summer i felt like Kutz employed me instead of me paying them to come. I mean I'm sure I am going to look back on this and be like I'm so glad I got critizied and was harder on, I just cant see that yet.



Another thing I learned this summer was how to try to work with 18 girls and all different opinons. Having a cabin service, plaque, and sweatshirt, I never thought it would be so hard to figure what we wanted. HAH. I mean that also happens when you have a mix of metaiv kids, regbo, eie alums, and other types of hardcore leaders in your cabin. We somehow all got along-ish. And also having five songleaders in one cabin doesnt make it all go smoothly either. But at least we had havdallah and not a maariv or shacarit. That made life a lot easier...It went fine and we got to do the first Havdallah, but like I donno. It wasnt a WOW service that you would rememebr forever. I'm a service snob as my parents say. i donno. But we did figure out everything in the end.

I think this Summer I did a lot of learning. I mean you do at Kutz, but a lot of learning.

I never realized the constant struggle we have as Jews with the ideas and laws of Judiasm.

I never thought that I could go out and learn something on my own without the help of others. Without someone holding my hand. This summer I pushed them away and figured it out. Without help.

I seem to never realize how much leadership I have. Sometimes it shocks me. Sometimes it amazes me. You have to be always on your A game when people are watching you. It wasnt like I was under a spot light, but some days it totally felt like that.

But what am I going to take back from this summer?

That I can use H'Avodah Shebalev?
That I know how to read talmudic texts...sort of?
That I made some of the greatest friends of my life?
That Judiasm is a cycle and filled with circles?
That this is just the beginning?

Yes. And then some.

At the last sunrise service of 2nd session, I led it by myself. After the Amidah after singing Yihuyu, I said something and it went sort of like this.

This is our last service together as a community. Take a look around and soak in the memories that you have of this place. Dont be sad that this is over, rather be happy that it happend. Another chapter of your life has ended which means another one will begin.

I dont know why I said that, but after I did I had one of those really spiritual moments. We sang Yihyu again, and I sang it with much more feeling and passion. Right then and there everything kind of came to close and I just realized everything that had happend that summer. I wanted to cry but then I couldnt of led so I didnt.

Its hard for some to realize that this is another chapter in our lives, for some its easier.

Its been easier for me this year. Everything seems to be getting easier when it comes to realizations and Kutz. Its a beautiful thing.

I know this is all scattered out everywhere, but I feel its ready to show the world.

So thank you kutz, for being wonderful again.

<3