Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Let's Wrap it Up

It's offical that Kutz first and second sessions are over.

So now what? Does everything I just experince go to waste?

Well if I said yes then I would of learned nothing at all. But here goes a long intense post about everything that has happend and how I'm doing nowish.





Let's kick it back to first session.





Breakin it down, J.Studs.





I still remember the first day of class like it was yesterday. We all sat in Pagoda Issac and I looked around. I was nervous an d excited. I had no idea what was going to come. I had no idea the bonds and friendships I would have with this small group of people. Some days were some of the most intense discussions about Judiasm and the ideas that important people had. Sometimes we had a guest rabbi or educator come in and teach us about different things. Michelle Abraham (one of my favorite Jewish Educators) taught us about Jewish feminism. It was really interesting to me because it was something that I've always wanted to learn about and just to get a taste of it made me smile. The intense classes and discussions never bore me. I never realized how much I could learn in 3 and a half weeks, but the struggle just got stronger. RamBam is fantastic. I really like some of his ideas. The more opinons that I heard I would start to think harder and harder. Every person in our class had something different to bring to the class. The different personalities seemed to click together perfectly. Even though there was some drama, it wasnt all that big of a deal. When I look back at my notes it really shows how much I've changed and grew in such a short time. From the conversations in the class to the realizations I made with myself. Like the day I figured out why we pass down the Torah from generation to generation, and why we study it. Or why pluralism is so important to Judiasm. Its little ideas that become big inside my head. And I know I would always get really excited in my class and we all would make fun of me, but it doesnt matter. Its a class that I wont ever forget. I know D.Singer won't take much credit for what he does, but really if it weren't for him none of us would of figured out anything. Just like when he wasnt there for two classes, and we needed someone to help us. We were lost and turned into crazyness. (not that we werent crazy everyday) Its quite interesting. Overall though it was a great class. I miss it a lot.


I'm just going to write out random things.

After first session I thought that I hadnt changed all that much. It was one conversation that I had with D.Singer that made me think about that. I just wasnt really sure about anything after first session. At first I didnt think that I was going to stay for 2nd session, but I'm totally glad I did. I thought that one session of kutz would be enough. I was totally wrong. I learned so much though. From J.Studs to just being a senior. I knew that I had to be a role model and I knew that this summer was going to be a lot different from last summer. I loved the community of the Hills. It was a nice change from last summer. Being in a hill and being in a bayit are two totally different worlds, it seems. The walls were broken down because it's camp, but the hills really did form something special. That community will never be replaced. The seniors, oh the seniors. Even though we tried to do a silly prank it didnt work so well. Although it was something that we all will remember. Seeing a shooting star with benny was amazing. Kutz is a beautiful sight at 4am, even though that day I was ridiculously crazy. And it was one of the most intense days of my life. What was really different from last summer was the expectations and stress. This summer I seemed to have a lot more stress than I did last summer. Which is weird because you go to summer camp to relax. But it felt like there was a lot more pressure on me from people especially staff memebers. I know that they yell at me and are hard on me because they care but sometimes I cant handle it. I get enough crap during the year that I dont want it during the summer. In a lot of ways this Summer i felt like Kutz employed me instead of me paying them to come. I mean I'm sure I am going to look back on this and be like I'm so glad I got critizied and was harder on, I just cant see that yet.



Another thing I learned this summer was how to try to work with 18 girls and all different opinons. Having a cabin service, plaque, and sweatshirt, I never thought it would be so hard to figure what we wanted. HAH. I mean that also happens when you have a mix of metaiv kids, regbo, eie alums, and other types of hardcore leaders in your cabin. We somehow all got along-ish. And also having five songleaders in one cabin doesnt make it all go smoothly either. But at least we had havdallah and not a maariv or shacarit. That made life a lot easier...It went fine and we got to do the first Havdallah, but like I donno. It wasnt a WOW service that you would rememebr forever. I'm a service snob as my parents say. i donno. But we did figure out everything in the end.

I think this Summer I did a lot of learning. I mean you do at Kutz, but a lot of learning.

I never realized the constant struggle we have as Jews with the ideas and laws of Judiasm.

I never thought that I could go out and learn something on my own without the help of others. Without someone holding my hand. This summer I pushed them away and figured it out. Without help.

I seem to never realize how much leadership I have. Sometimes it shocks me. Sometimes it amazes me. You have to be always on your A game when people are watching you. It wasnt like I was under a spot light, but some days it totally felt like that.

But what am I going to take back from this summer?

That I can use H'Avodah Shebalev?
That I know how to read talmudic texts...sort of?
That I made some of the greatest friends of my life?
That Judiasm is a cycle and filled with circles?
That this is just the beginning?

Yes. And then some.

At the last sunrise service of 2nd session, I led it by myself. After the Amidah after singing Yihuyu, I said something and it went sort of like this.

This is our last service together as a community. Take a look around and soak in the memories that you have of this place. Dont be sad that this is over, rather be happy that it happend. Another chapter of your life has ended which means another one will begin.

I dont know why I said that, but after I did I had one of those really spiritual moments. We sang Yihyu again, and I sang it with much more feeling and passion. Right then and there everything kind of came to close and I just realized everything that had happend that summer. I wanted to cry but then I couldnt of led so I didnt.

Its hard for some to realize that this is another chapter in our lives, for some its easier.

Its been easier for me this year. Everything seems to be getting easier when it comes to realizations and Kutz. Its a beautiful thing.

I know this is all scattered out everywhere, but I feel its ready to show the world.

So thank you kutz, for being wonderful again.

<3

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Goodbye Kutz

Goodbye lovely kutz.
it's been a beautiful 6 weeks.
I dont want to leave.

I've changed.
I've grown.
I've cried.
I've laughed.
I've lived.
I've learned.
I've prayed.
I've loved.
I've never had such a great summer.

because the summers seem to never stop getting better. i love it here.

i'm going to do a wrap up when I get home.
but i already miss you. i already miss all of you.

it's going to be hard to part with the services, the willows, the chofesh, the color wars, the classes, the toy room, everything.

because it's true, these friendships you'll have forever.
being a senior is amazing.

it's my last summer as a camper/participant forever.
and i couldnt of lived it up anymore.

i broke the rules. i learned so much. i loved. ive lost. ive gain. ive just been fantastic.

bayit 3, oy!
hill 2-i love you

make a WESH upon a star.

kutz is beautiful. goodbye lovely place, goodbye.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

tefillin its the new jew!

I just tried on some tefillin for the first time. I really want to try wearing it for a service one morning. It's going to happen. I'm thinking either tomorrow morning or thursday. Or whenever. You know. :]

Anyways. on to LIFE!

Last night was the ethics program. AMAZINGLY written. We had a scene with 9 different people. We were in court. Rabbi Eve was the Judge. There were 8 people involved. Mike Fuld and REK (Rabbi Elisa Koppel) were two RA's. Jesse and Michelle were two friends covering for Sam and Ben (aka Jesus) who went to go hook up after cabins in, in the teyatron. But then there was a fire and they couldnt find them because the couple lost track of time and got in trouble for not being in the right place in case of an emergency. We herd the case and what everyone had to say about their part. It was really interesting. And something that could totally happen. Then we broke up into pairs and rated the ethics from the worst to the not so bad. Then we got into groups of 5 and well, as every program does, discussed. We figured out questions to ask each of the people. People had very different ideas. It was such a great program. I dont really feel like going into all the details of it, but I'll tell you about it at another time.

Then I talked to Josh Winston for a while. It was good. Then I talked to D.Singer with a side of Ben Zeidman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I didn't get to finish that blog. And I didnt get to blog today because Kutz found out about going on the roof of the teyatron. And I had to write an essay as my punishment. Here it is for all of you to enjoy.

Rachel Wolman’s Essay
It was a foggy morning with dew on the grass when my alarm went off at 4:55 am. I woke up and got dressed to meet outside Gabi, Josh, and Benny for what I did not realize was going to be something I may remember forever, but something so stupid if I was to get in trouble. For some reason I felt the thrill would be worth it even if I was to get caught. There are so many reasons why this was a terrible idea, that didn’t seem to hit me that foggy morning. First off, if one of us were to get hurt, fall off the teyatron, that would have been horrible. Another thing is that I want to be a future leader of the reform Jewish movement and this is not the way to act like it. The last thing that would be horrible if the teyatron was to fall apart on us because of its age. That would not be an easy thing to clean up. There for even though we have a great memory it was not worth the camp having a chance of getting in trouble.
As a future leader of North American Federation of Temple Youth and future staff member I should be setting an example for everyone. If any of us has slipped and fallen or something of the sort, we could of gotten horribly hurt. There were no security guards around, or anyone for that matter therefore, we could have not gotten any help or medical attention of any sort. And one of us could have gotten a tick bite from walking through the grass. We could have prevented that from not going that morning. One of us may have not realized that we had a rash and could have gotten terrible lime disease. The fact that the camp is totally responsible for all of us, this was one of the most dim-witted things we could have done to make the camp in that much trouble. We acted in foolish ways.
The Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life is a place that creates some of the most influential leaders of our movement. As someone who aspires to be that one day, doing something so senseless and ridiculous that could get back to the Hebrew Union College (a place I will hopefully attend in the future) would not be so good for me if I want to have a future there. That also goes for the Union of Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Teen Life. I have a desire to become a staff member for this beautiful campus for reform Jewish teen life. As a staff member it is your job to be part of this community and enforce the rules of it. You have to be a role model for the program participants. As a future role model it was not exactly the safest or smartest thing to go on the roof of the teyatron at five in the morning to watch a foggy sunrise.
The teyatron has lots of memories and years on it. The beautiful overlooking of the lake really adds to the uses it gives us. Which is why we want it to stay. The fact that four program participants at the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen life went on the top of it, could in fact cause it to break. We were lucky that it didn’t, but if it did we could have gotten in even more trouble. It takes so much money and time to create a building, especially something as beautiful as the teyatron. I know program participants at the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life would be extremely upset with us if we did somehow destroy the teyatron. It’s something that really adds to the Kutz experience. We got extremely lucky.
Living in the Jerusalem of NFTY for the past five and a half weeks has been one of the most amazing experiences ever. I am just a teenager out to make careless mistakes. I am truly sorry for what I did and did not realize my errors in my ways. Now I have really though about the wrong doings I have done and can assure you that something like this of any sort will never happen again. When program participants of the Union for Reform Judaism’s North American Federation of Temple Youth’s Kutz Campus for Reform Jewish Teen Life think about going on the roof of the teyatron I can easily tell them many reasons why not to. They could get hurt, they could lose respect of their peers and elders, they could break the teyatron, and lots of other things. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my essay. Shalom.

Monday, July 30, 2007

ARGH.

I haven't been this stressed out since April 25th..and we all know the many things that has happend on that day.

Anyways. Moving on.

Yesterday our cabin had been talking about our service. It took forever to figure out what we are doing. I hate planning services with a lot of people. I understand why Kutz wants us to lead services as a cabin but at the same time it's harder than hard. Especially as a normal service leader and song leader..its frustrating because I'm so use to just working with the region RCVP and then just doing what I want.

Stress much? Just the start.

Then we had a meeting with the cabin and Josh Winston (songleading teacher of last summer and current Kutz songleader). I was already agrivated because of the program that seemed to last forever. AKA a movie about how sad it is to be a Jew Israelie style. Yom Yisrael. Very unpleasant. The bond fire was kind of tight though. Then we had a pizza party for our cabin. And planned for our service. I was arleady really upset because I'm lacking on sleep. And when I or anyone for that matter lacks in sleep you get cranky. And to add stress just makes it a lot worse. I was basiclly a boiling pot that just boiled over. I was extremly frustrated. To the max. Hah Torah to the max. Anyways. I went back to the cabin and figured out all the tunes because if you are leading a service you have to write down all the composers and musical things youre doing which one again is very frustarting and tedious. I assigned all the parts and yadda yadda.

This morning our services happend. I was nervous and stressed. I freaked out. The service went fine until I felt like crap because of my mentors. It was a pretty set up though. Still though, its frustrating. They went a little long. But we had sheets filled all around the beit am and really pretty colorful lights and we all dressed nicely. It looked pretty. It sounded decent. I just suck at Hebrew which became really aparent. And now I feel like crap about it because I feel really imbarssed. It wasnt even a bad service. I mean it wasnt amazing. I just miss having songleaders around me to pick me up when I fall. Becuase I knew everyhting else...Just that one prayer. Which suddenly sets the mood. Too bad everyone was passed out dead tired. We dont get enough sleep. We get screwed over by having a morning service. I didnt want it, but of course we got it. Its so frustrating. And I know I cant do anything about now since its all over, but still. I cant get it out of my head. I cant get that look out of my head. I cant get anyhting out of my head.

No matter how upset I am, no matter how frustrated I am, Torah to the Max always cheers me up. I mean I even tired not to smile, but our class is just so fantastic I have to. I love what we are doing by going through the full Amidah. Its tov. Tov M'od.

Okay. I'm going to go now.

Tata

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Am I truely a zombie?

Sleep is overated.

Why can't we just take some kind of pills or something that just keeps us awake when we are tired? I know theres coffee, but still. I dont drink coffee at Kutz. It's sick nasty in a bad way. Anyways. On to life.

Yesterday was pretty fantastic.

Playing with Noam at his concert was awesome. We got to play four songs with him. Nachamu, Tumbalika, (sp?) Ameh, and Layuhidim.

I know he's a different person then Dan, but still.

I had fun and it was good to be up there on stage, but when I played with Dan last summer I felt like it was such a better experince. I mean I love Noam, don't get me wrong...but I just felt a better connection. I donno. Its crazy. Whatever. It was still mad fun and good. Noam Katz is a really great musican and artist.

So yesterday during the day Gabi Levison (from MAR going to be a junior), Josh (from FL kutz alum last year), and I were sitting on my favorite place in all of camp. The cyinder block. It was fantastic. We all decided that we wanted to see the sun rise. Josh said we should go on the roof of the teyatron. I told benny about it.

At 4:50am this morning Gabi came into my cabin to come get me to go out and watch the sun rise. We all met up and climbed to the roof of the teyatron. I never realized how terrified I am of heights. But we did it. I did it. I couldn't believe I did it. We didn't get caught or anything. It was a really nice thing that we did. It's one of those memories we will have together forever. I know that sounds insainly corny, but I know you enjoy it. :] It was foggy which was upsetting, but I still had fun. It was incredible. It was nice that there was a ladder there for us.

Then J.Studs today. It was good. Eh.

Thats it.

Happy birthday :]

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Shabbat Shalom!

Hey!

What a service. What a past few days.

From falling out of chairs (sort of...) to being awake for so long to being dead tired to still being able to do Israelie dancing, the least I can say it's been some of the greatest and most dredful 48-72ish hours I've been living. And all I can say, is that I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Library is a funny place right now with the David Debates. I shall call them the David Debates. :] D.Singer vs. David Wilenksy...WHOSE GOING DOWN!?

Let's go back to Thursday.

So, we had the ultimate sex program. I have to say it was almost as good as last summer's first session sex program. I loved it though. It was in your face right to the point amazingness of a sex program. They hand picked our groups. I was in 4G. We went inside the Art building in groups but while we were waiting loud sexual music was playing outside. And by loud sexual music I mean music that has lots of sexual refrences. We were all dancing. I mean sex songs usally are great songs. Anyways. We went inside to the first area. You see two boys (I'm not going to name names) behind a curtain. First you see homosexual sex. Then you walk through and see different things on the wall. Lots of sexual things and quotes. Even the NFTY points system (which was totally wrong..not the point). You go to the next area. You see a lot of different sexual situations, sex, heterosexual sex, and everything you can think of. Even a girl talking about how she gave ######## for the first time. Basiclly in your face crazyness. Then we went to the beit am to discuss. We went in our groups and did simulations. It was really intense role playing and such. I loved it. We talked about the issues in NFTY and other things in general. It was really well written. They did such a great job.

The funny part is that was just the beginning of a crazy night.

Okay Andrew just for you I'm going to type up a bunch of the notes I took during the longest studying session I've ever been part of.

Studying of the Talmudic Text Berachot:
Saying the S'hma
-from when @ night
-until when can we?

Opinons:
1. 1st watch->R.Elizer
2.Midnight->Sages
-Suppose to say it then but you've got some leasure time to make sure you do it
3. Dawn->R.Gamaliel

Then there was the big argument between Hillel and someone else (cant remember who) about waht postion you should say it in. Can you say the S'hma on the move? The first line no, the rest yes because of the camels. Or something of that idea.

Deuteronomy Chapter 7:
-Were the chosen ones
-We kill them...
-People moving

Does it make it right that we kill these people even just because we are the chosen ones?

That's all the stuff I'm willing to type up right now. Enjoy Andrew.

Back to blogging.

So I was really tired because I didn't take a long enough nap. I kept on falling asleep while we were studing Talmudic texts and I started to get cold. So I was putting on my pants and then all the sudden I was on the floor and my chair was flipped back. I was really confused but everyone was laughing at me and D.Singer told me to go to sleep. I didn't want to but he made me. I didnt really sleep for that long. But when I woke up I couldnt remember anything. Then at around 4am we had nap time. AKA watching the Tribe also. Then Elaina (a girl in my cabin whose regbo and EIE alum), Josh (boy from FL Kutz alum) and I spooned. And then Zach Newburgh (NFTY President) came in to teach us. We learned a lot. I learned a lot. That day I was so tired.

I know that I can't function at all without any sleep. I give props to kids who can.

I slept mostly all day.

Shabbat services were nice. Elaina and I always sit next to eachother. We are prayin buddies. It just works. :]

today!


NOAM KATZ IS HERE! Which is obviously is super exciting to me. He led services this morning.

They were fantastic!! I know you would of loved them. And by you I'm referring to my parents. :] They were a lot like Shabbat Rocks at home. We even got instruments and I got an egg shaker. Then during this part where we were all doing percussion I started breaking out into one of those songs we learned this summer and I was just singing it to myself. Then my neighboors started getting into it. Then I realized everyone was singing it and we all were singing that song. It was one of those Holy moments of amazingness to me. It was so good.

Okay I'm about to rant now, so get ready.

I hate people who are close minded especially about services. Okay so you're here at Kutz. You know we are going to try all kinds of things. That doesnt mean you should get up and leave in the middle of a service because youre not a fan. Honestly. Youre not the best. It just bothers me SO much that people do that. These people work hard to make services and put them together. Just because you think youre some elitest doesnt mean it gives you the right to leave services.

And now everything is compared to Mark Bloom.


What has our movement come to!?

I'm done. I love Shabbat. I love services. I love KUTZ.


please. dont make me leave. <3

Thursday, July 26, 2007

It's the big day

Today is the day that I will be awake for 24 hours. Even though I do plan on taking a nap during chofesh so I can be extra alert for tonight's amazing 12 hours of Talmud Torah and other stuff.

Yessss. :]

Ben Levine (an ex NFTY Board memeber PVP) wrote the program. It was really good. First we got a sticker and I went to the yellow side. We were going through the life cycle. First we went to high school and graduated by beating people in rock paper scissors twice in a row. Then you got to major in something, but I was on the side that it was chosen for you even though they made it seem like you had a choice. I was Rachel and I graudated with a science ideal from high school. I wanted English. Then we went to college and I graduated in pre-med even though I wanted to major in polictical science. Then we became doctors. I decided that I was going to be a nuerologist (sp?). Then I went to the family department failed on making the orgami they wanted me too but they gave me a family. I got married with two children. There was another side to the program. The other side was the yellow side (I was the pink side). The yellow side got to choose whatever they wanted. The pink side (my side) had everything chosen for me. Which really upset me. It was trying to create and show the ideals of "Reform" Judiasm and Orthodox Judiasm. We broke up into groups and discussed. It was a great program. It was one of the better programs of this summer.

We had free time. Ahah!


On to Torah to the Max.

Sorry Andrew I can't put down what I did today. I'm tired. I'm excited for tonight.
Redemption is an interesting subject. :]